awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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