I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
