I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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