I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
