franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
