YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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