My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
