How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
