he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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