I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
