i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
NoShamevember. You game?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
