Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Drunk is not a location!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
