How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Are we still banned from the library?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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