idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
