Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my poor anus
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
