You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
