i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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