he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
