Please, let me fuck your mom
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
