She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
