he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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