i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
