Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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