the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
