Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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