Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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