I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
