what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
