oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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