Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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