she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
