Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
