nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
whose parrot is this?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
