I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and she was petting her beer can
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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