I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
A bitchslap is in order.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
