Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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