Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
