glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
