Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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