All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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