I didn't shave. On purpose
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
