forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
