Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
