Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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