I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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