I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
