why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
