He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
