take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
