I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
