Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
