She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
