when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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