Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We need a shit load of segways right now
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
