FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
