Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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