i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
