Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
