What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
