"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
