As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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