Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
