Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
